My Knight in a Shiny Red Bicycle Helmet

On Sunday I ran my first half marathon. My goal was to finish under 3 hours. I started out strong, I was in line to do much better than my goal. I really rocked the first 7 miles. My pace was good and I felt great.

I have a group of friends that band together to form a roaming cheering section along the race route to support their running pals. My Blueberry borrowed a bike (Thanks, Dave & Melissa!) and joined them. I was hoping to see him at 3 points along the race. My pace was faster than expected and they only caught up with me at one of the checkpoints. So yeah, I was doing well at first.

At around mile 8, my calves balled up in mighty protest. I have never in my life experienced that kind of cramping. My calves were screaming. I tried to stop and stretch them frequently. Every quarter mile or so, I would try running. Instant pain. So I walked the last 5 miles.

After reaching mile 12, even at a walking pace, I found myself unable to go further. I tried stretching again to no avail. A policeman came and asked me if I needed a ride. I couldn't possibly give up. I have 1.1 miles left! I refused. Another runner ran up to me and grabbed my hand and offered encouragement. (Yes, that was awkward, but a nice gesture.) Thankfully, a medical tent was about 25 feet away. One of the volunteers came out and helped me hobble to the tent. I cannot express to you how wonderful these women were. They rubbed my calves out until I could walk again. For a while, anyway.

About a quarter mile to the finish, my calves gave up again. I was sooooo mad. I was bent over, trying one last time to work out the balls of fire from my legs, when my Blueberry showed up. He handed his bike to a friend (Thanks, Jerry!), and came to my rescue. He encouraged me, and served as my crutches for the final leg.

By the time I crossed the finish line, I was full-out sobbing from pain. You can't tell it from the pictures. My Blueberry always makes me smile. He is my knight in a shiny red bicycle helmet.

I finished at a 3:08. I'm disappointed and pleased all at the same time. I finished it. That's all I can ask for. Maybe, next time?

Driven to Laughter

Have you ever tried to drive at 65 mph while laughing so hard that you can't breathe? You know, the laughter that just doesn't stop? Tears roll. Gagging for breath. Doubled over. Chest pains.

Last night my Blueberry and I were headed home from an evening out. I was driving his car and as I entered the highway on-ramp, David muttered, "Jane, you know my car has lots of power." Just so you know, he drives a 4-cylinder Nissa Versa. It's not a model that is known for its high speed or racing ability. It's a hatchback...'nough said.

I lost it. Uncontrollable laughter ensued. He said he was joking, but I dunno, he sounded incredibly serious. I laughed the entire 20 minute drive home. I'm lucky that I didn't run into anything. He's a good egg.

Routine

I didn't know how much I relied on my daily routine until I didn't have one. We sold the house and moved, and everything changed. Everything.

We are finally all settled in and I've developed a new routine. I've always considered myself open to change. I discovered that I don't like change at all. I like sameness. I like routine. I like no drama.

My birthday is coming up. As a present to myself, I'm going to buy clothes. Currently I have only one pair of jeans that fits me and not much else. I'm going to force myself to buy more than just jeans and t-shirts. I need a personal shopper. I have zero style.

As of right now, my Blueberry and I have an empty nest. It's nice. I like having him all to myself. I'm selfish like that.

Depending on circumstances, I might take my first Algebra test tonight. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I'm nervous. I've been scoring well on my homework problems and I know the material, but I'm prone to freezing during tests. I choke. My temperature just raised 3 notches simply thinking about it.

Goals: Achieved

I reached my goal weight last week. After much celebration, I realized that I forgot to blog about it. It's a big deal. I lost a total of 50.8 pounds. Go me! I'll post before/after pics when I get around to it. Patience, grasshopper.

We are supposed to close on the house on Friday. I can't wait to move out of it. Home ownership is not all it's cracked up to be. I want to be mobile.

It just feels too good to be true. So many great things are happening. I pinched myself until I saw a bruise and I still don't believe it. I'm living the dream.

EDIT: My pics are mostly gone from my blog :( What did I do wrong?

Eye of the Tiger

Yesterday I ran my first official 10K. I'm not a runner. I hate it. I only ran because my Blueberry was running his first half and I didn't want to sit at the finish line waiting for a few hours. I figured that running the 10K would kill some time.

I ran too fast on the first 2 miles. I tried to slow my pace and failed. By the time I got to mile four, I was spent. I ended up walking much of the last two miles.

I had a painful side-stitch as I was walking around the bend towards the finish line. And then I heard it, "Eye of the Tiger." I let out the biggest, most pathetic sigh I have ever exhaled, and started running again. I am simply not allowed to walk to the finish line with that song playing. Stupid motivational music.

My pals Melissa and Dave hooked me up with a ghetto magnet. It originally said 26.2 (marathon), but I only ran 6.2(10K.) The white-out isn't visible in the pic, but it's AWESOME in person. I've very proud of it.

The moral of the story is; running is the pits, but sometimes you get cool stuff if you do it.

I almost forgot, CONGRATS, BLUEBERRY!! You killed it! <3

New Things

Trying new things can be fun. I tried something new today, it wasn't fun. I like experimenting with my hair. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

My goal was a reddish blond. Instead, I sported strawberry pink hair for about an hour this afternoon. I tearfully hid in my bedroom and locked the door. I didn't want any surprise visits from the multitude of teenagers living in the house. I don't think I could have handled the raucous laughter.

My Blueberry was in the other room planning world domination with his associates. I texted him a desperate plea for help. He abandoned his buddies and made a mad dash to the nearest drugstore to purchase my usual boring box of color.

I'm done with the experiments for a while. I can't take that kind of excitement.

Public Scorn vs. My Sweet Tooth

Last night I went to Whole Foods Market. Have you ever been there? There are samples galore! I could eat an entire meal from the cheese displays. Public scorn keeps that from happening.

I immediately honed in on the cookies at the front register when we walked through the doors. I ran to them as if my life depended on it. Keep in mind, this visit was made after dinner. I wasn't hungry.

If the cashier hadn't been standing nearby with her watchful stare, I would have picked up the platter and shoveled them into my anxiously awaiting mouth. You can be sure that I revisited that tray upon exiting. You betcha'.

I also have a tendency to gorge when I'm at home alone. My blueberry worked late most of last week. Let's just say I polished off a couple of boxes of cookies in his absence. They were Weight Watchers cookies too, mind you. Is that irony?

Blueberry is going out of town next week. Hide yo' cookies, hide yo' cake.

Do Not Delete

I have probably written and deleted 10 blogs in the last month. I promised myself I wouldn't delete this one, even though I have nothing to say.

I can fit into my goal pants. I'm still not where I want to be on the scale. I need to lose 9.6 more pounds. At the rate I'm going, it will be a year. Last month I averaged only 1.4 pounds. I've gotten lackadaisical about my eating. I've heard that weight loss is 85% diet. It's completely true. I've always exercised, but I never lost weight. As soon as I changed my diet, I started losing. I've lost 43 pounds so far.

I almost jumped for joy when I was called a stick by someone trying to describe me. For the rest of the evening, you could find me dumbfounded and mumbling the phrase "a stick" repeatedly.

I have been super active. I've been playing soccer, kickball, and going to boot camp. On my off days, I do school work. I'm currently on a break between summer sessions, but I'll be starting back in July. It's possible that I'm overdoing it. Soccer is getting nixed.

I have truly grown to love boot camp. It's incredibly hard. For a while, I only went for the social aspect of it. Now I go because I feel good when I leave. Note, I didn't say I feel good when I'm there. I don't. I'm miserable while I'm there.

I love my trainers. Jerome has interesting rules. He told me that since I have a new hair cut, I can't do push-ups on my knees anymore. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I need to grow my hair back out.

The Space Behind My Ears

I never realized how important the empty space behind my ears was until I got hearing aids. I have since mourned the loss of that space. I have always worn my hair behind my ears and now I can't. It is a nuisance.

How do I deal with a nuisance? "If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out." No, I didn't cut of my ear, (or pluck out my eye) I cut off my hair. I look like a lesbian now, but I'm past the point of caring. My Blueberry likes it and that's all that matters.

Speaking of Blueberry, have I mentioned lately how great he is? Yeah, he's pretty great.

Writer's Block

It's been a while since I've been inspired to write anything. I'm still not inspired. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Brag Time

I'm sure the two of you that read my blog are sick of my bragging, but I have lots to brag about.

As you know, I've gone back to school. I tested poorly on the placement exam for math. It was recommended that I take three of the four Developmental Math courses before I could take college level classes.

Basically, that means I could add and subtract, but not much else. I was not thrilled, but I knew that there was no way I could survive in college level math without the basics under my belt. I enrolled.

During my first class, I learned that I could finish all of those remedial classes during the current semester if I worked my tail off. And work my tail off I did. My professor said that she has only known one person in her career to finish all four classes in one semester. I figured I was ahead of the game, I only had to take three.

Well, I'm pleased to say that I completed the first two courses in record time, and I'm almost finished with the third. I have one test left and then I'm ready for the final exam. I expect to be done before exam week.

It's a big deal. I've worked so hard for it. I finished three courses in one semester when my classmates are struggling to finish one. And I'm no longer terrified of math. That's an even bigger deal. Bring on the Algebra, baby!

Silent Wonderland

Last night while laying in bed, David said "Wow, Jacob is eating some crunchy chips." I turned to him in awe, "You can hear that?". Keep in mind our bedroom door was closed and we were downstairs. Jacob was upstairs in the loft. Mind blown.

We decided to play a game. I asked David to tell me everything that he could hear. He heard the chain on the ceiling fan lightly clinking on the light globe, the leaves were rustling outside, the wind, the computer was humming, the ceiling fan was humming, a bug buzzing, a bird singing, and every couple of minutes he could hear Jacob crunching on a chip. I could go on and on. Do know what I heard? Complete silence. I heard nothing.

All the while, I lay there in amazement. Logically I know that these things make sounds. I just didn't know people could hear them so plainly.

I felt like a blind person that was being told about the beauty of a sunset. I was struck with amazement, sadness, and wonderment. I cried.

I don't pity myself generally. I'm so thankful for the things that I do have. I rarely mourn the things that I don't have. Last night was an exception.

Mud Slinging

2 weekends ago I did something I said I'd never do. I ran in the Mud Run. It was 6 miles and 22 (23?) obstacles. When the subject was first brought up, I refused. I had previously come to the conclusion that I don't like running. For a time, I fancied myself a runner. I no longer do. I've run in many 5K's, but I never really gotten beyond that. The thought of running 6 miles (10k'ish) AND having to do obstacles was really not something I wished to participate in.

After constant encouragement (and goading), I finally relented. I'm so glad I did. It was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done. I am so proud of myself for finishing. My goal was simply to finish, and surprisingly, my group wasn't last. There were two other teams behind us. We won!

In the first pic, I'm on the left. I'm going to brag here. (It's my blog and I'll do what I want to) I seriously didn't recognize myself in this picture. I look thin! I haven't said that about a picture of myself years. I've lost 34.2 pounds since 10/09. I have 13.4 left before I reach my goal. It's taken a long time, but it's all been worth it. The skinny guy in the middle is my fabulous Blueberry.

This is me at the very last obstacle. I was completely spent and would have likely fallen to my knees even if I didn't have to.

And finally, me and my fabulous team after we crossed the finish line. I couldn't have done it without them.


And many thanks to our fans that came to cheer us on. Kudos to Joe for putting this video together. I love the music and we look like rock stars! Also, yes, that's me at about 58 seconds. I'm the idiot that didn't let go of the rope and ended up slamming my neck on the bank. Yes, it hurt. Badly. Lesson learned.
Video:

April Fools

I'm telling you ahead of time, just so there's no confusion, this is my April Fool's joke. Don't freak out, man! I don't like being a trickster.

Joke:
I'm leaving my husband of two years for this pretty gay Asian boy with the fantastic teeth and musical talent. Two words teeth and harmony. What else does a girl need?

I've never heard the original song so I googled it. The original song is awful compared to this cover. This boy has talent...and great teeth!

My Last Hurrah

I went to a funeral today. It was very sad and solemn. It's not anything like what I want for my service.

I hereby request that my funeral be a party. I want an open bar. I want Casino Night. I want karaoke. I want costumes and merriment. I want laughter. I want to be cremated and my remains should be chucked out the window on the way home. Why do people keep ashes around? It's rather morbid.

I don't want people to stand at the podium and talk about my awesomeness through their tears. Instead, I want everyone to take turns standing up and telling the corniest joke they know. And it must be told incorrectly. Flub a few lines and then clap for joy at your cleverness. The potato joke needs to be saved for last. My blueberry can hold that honor.

Directly after my funeral, I want you to hook my Blueberry up with a smokin' hot babe. I can't stand the thought of him being lonely and sad. Even better, just drop a broken floor tile on the ground and give him a big hug. He'll understand. I so love that man.