I went to a funeral today. It was very sad and solemn. It's not anything like what I want for my service.
I hereby request that my funeral be a party. I want an open bar. I want Casino Night. I want karaoke. I want costumes and merriment. I want laughter. I want to be cremated and my remains should be chucked out the window on the way home. Why do people keep ashes around? It's rather morbid.
I don't want people to stand at the podium and talk about my awesomeness through their tears. Instead, I want everyone to take turns standing up and telling the corniest joke they know. And it must be told incorrectly. Flub a few lines and then clap for joy at your cleverness. The potato joke needs to be saved for last. My blueberry can hold that honor.
Directly after my funeral, I want you to hook my Blueberry up with a smokin' hot babe. I can't stand the thought of him being lonely and sad. Even better, just drop a broken floor tile on the ground and give him a big hug. He'll understand. I so love that man.
7 comments:
I'm telling the funeral joke. It's mine!
THEY SWITCHED THE HEADS!
What a fabulous idea! Yes, you may! And Dave can be your back up dancer. Every joke teller needs a back up dancer.
I am in complete agreement with you. I've always said "prop me up by the jukebox when I die..." I want kegs, karaoke, dancing and white chocolate reeses!
Mmmm, Reeses! I forgot about food. I want cake served at mine.
It's not even her joke!
I'll keep this in mind.
Speaking of death, have you and David written your wills yet? Just as a reminder: List me as the sole beneficiary, but make sure all the debt gets transferred to someone else.
I'll get right on it. :)
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