Plain Jane Dough

Routine

2011-09-27T09:28:00.003-05:00

I didn't know how much I relied on my daily routine until I didn't have one. We sold the house and moved, and everything changed. Everything.

We are finally all settled in and I've developed a new routine. I've always considered myself open to change. I discovered that I don't like change at all. I like sameness. I like routine. I like no drama.

My birthday is coming up. As a present to myself, I'm going to buy clothes. Currently I have only one pair of jeans that fits me and not much else. I'm going to force myself to buy more than just jeans and t-shirts. I need a personal shopper. I have zero style.

As of right now, my Blueberry and I have an empty nest. It's nice. I like having him all to myself. I'm selfish like that.

Depending on circumstances, I might take my first Algebra test tonight. I'm not sure if I'm ready. I'm nervous. I've been scoring well on my homework problems and I know the material, but I'm prone to freezing during tests. I choke. My temperature just raised 3 notches simply thinking about it.

Goals: Achieved

2011-09-06T13:18:00.004-05:00

I reached my goal weight last week. After much celebration, I realized that I forgot to blog about it. It's a big deal. I lost a total of 50.8 pounds. Go me! I'll post before/after pics when I get around to it. Patience, grasshopper.

We are supposed to close on the house on Friday. I can't wait to move out of it. Home ownership is not all it's cracked up to be. I want to be mobile.

It just feels too good to be true. So many great things are happening. I pinched myself until I saw a bruise and I still don't believe it. I'm living the dream.

EDIT: My pics are mostly gone from my blog :( What did I do wrong?

Eye of the Tiger

2011-08-15T14:43:00.007-05:00

Yesterday I ran my first official 10K. I'm not a runner. I hate it. I only ran because my Blueberry was running his first half and I didn't want to sit at the finish line waiting for a few hours. I figured that running the 10K would kill some time.

I ran too fast on the first 2 miles. I tried to slow my pace and failed. By the time I got to mile four, I was spent. I ended up walking much of the last two miles.

I had a painful side-stitch as I was walking around the bend towards the finish line. And then I heard it, "Eye of the Tiger." I let out the biggest, most pathetic sigh I have ever exhaled, and started running again. I am simply not allowed to walk to the finish line with that song playing. Stupid motivational music.

My pals Melissa and Dave hooked me up with a ghetto magnet. It originally said 26.2 (marathon), but I only ran 6.2(10K.) The white-out isn't visible in the pic, but it's AWESOME in person. I've very proud of it.

The moral of the story is; running is the pits, but sometimes you get cool stuff if you do it.

I almost forgot, CONGRATS, BLUEBERRY!! You killed it! <3

New Things

2011-07-31T21:57:00.003-05:00

Trying new things can be fun. I tried something new today, it wasn't fun. I like experimenting with my hair. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

My goal was a reddish blond. Instead, I sported strawberry pink hair for about an hour this afternoon. I tearfully hid in my bedroom and locked the door. I didn't want any surprise visits from the multitude of teenagers living in the house. I don't think I could have handled the raucous laughter.

My Blueberry was in the other room planning world domination with his associates. I texted him a desperate plea for help. He abandoned his buddies and made a mad dash to the nearest drugstore to purchase my usual boring box of color.

I'm done with the experiments for a while. I can't take that kind of excitement.

Public Scorn vs. My Sweet Tooth

2011-07-06T14:03:00.002-05:00

Last night I went to Whole Foods Market. Have you ever been there? There are samples galore! I could eat an entire meal from the cheese displays. Public scorn keeps that from happening.

I immediately honed in on the cookies at the front register when we walked through the doors. I ran to them as if my life depended on it. Keep in mind, this visit was made after dinner. I wasn't hungry.

If the cashier hadn't been standing nearby with her watchful stare, I would have picked up the platter and shoveled them into my anxiously awaiting mouth. You can be sure that I revisited that tray upon exiting. You betcha'.

I also have a tendency to gorge when I'm at home alone. My blueberry worked late most of last week. Let's just say I polished off a couple of boxes of cookies in his absence. They were Weight Watchers cookies too, mind you. Is that irony?

Blueberry is going out of town next week. Hide yo' cookies, hide yo' cake.

Do Not Delete

2011-06-29T15:41:00.005-05:00

I have probably written and deleted 10 blogs in the last month. I promised myself I wouldn't delete this one, even though I have nothing to say.

I can fit into my goal pants. I'm still not where I want to be on the scale. I need to lose 9.6 more pounds. At the rate I'm going, it will be a year. Last month I averaged only 1.4 pounds. I've gotten lackadaisical about my eating. I've heard that weight loss is 85% diet. It's completely true. I've always exercised, but I never lost weight. As soon as I changed my diet, I started losing. I've lost 43 pounds so far.

I almost jumped for joy when I was called a stick by someone trying to describe me. For the rest of the evening, you could find me dumbfounded and mumbling the phrase "a stick" repeatedly.

I have been super active. I've been playing soccer, kickball, and going to boot camp. On my off days, I do school work. I'm currently on a break between summer sessions, but I'll be starting back in July. It's possible that I'm overdoing it. Soccer is getting nixed.

I have truly grown to love boot camp. It's incredibly hard. For a while, I only went for the social aspect of it. Now I go because I feel good when I leave. Note, I didn't say I feel good when I'm there. I don't. I'm miserable while I'm there.

I love my trainers. Jerome has interesting rules. He told me that since I have a new hair cut, I can't do push-ups on my knees anymore. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I need to grow my hair back out.

The Space Behind My Ears

2011-06-22T08:47:00.004-05:00

I never realized how important the empty space behind my ears was until I got hearing aids. I have since mourned the loss of that space. I have always worn my hair behind my ears and now I can't. It is a nuisance.

How do I deal with a nuisance? "If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out." No, I didn't cut of my ear, (or pluck out my eye) I cut off my hair. I look like a lesbian now, but I'm past the point of caring. My Blueberry likes it and that's all that matters.

Speaking of Blueberry, have I mentioned lately how great he is? Yeah, he's pretty great.

Writer's Block

2011-06-07T15:18:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I've been inspired to write anything. I'm still not inspired. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Brag Time

2011-04-27T14:17:00.008-05:00

I'm sure the two of you that read my blog are sick of my bragging, but I have lots to brag about.

As you know, I've gone back to school. I tested poorly on the placement exam for math. It was recommended that I take three of the four Developmental Math courses before I could take college level classes.

Basically, that means I could add and subtract, but not much else. I was not thrilled, but I knew that there was no way I could survive in college level math without the basics under my belt. I enrolled.

During my first class, I learned that I could finish all of those remedial classes during the current semester if I worked my tail off. And work my tail off I did. My professor said that she has only known one person in her career to finish all four classes in one semester. I figured I was ahead of the game, I only had to take three.

Well, I'm pleased to say that I completed the first two courses in record time, and I'm almost finished with the third. I have one test left and then I'm ready for the final exam. I expect to be done before exam week.

It's a big deal. I've worked so hard for it. I finished three courses in one semester when my classmates are struggling to finish one. And I'm no longer terrified of math. That's an even bigger deal. Bring on the Algebra, baby!

Silent Wonderland

2011-04-26T09:53:00.002-05:00

Last night while laying in bed, David said "Wow, Jacob is eating some crunchy chips." I turned to him in awe, "You can hear that?". Keep in mind our bedroom door was closed and we were downstairs. Jacob was upstairs in the loft. Mind blown.

We decided to play a game. I asked David to tell me everything that he could hear. He heard the chain on the ceiling fan lightly clinking on the light globe, the leaves were rustling outside, the wind, the computer was humming, the ceiling fan was humming, a bug buzzing, a bird singing, and every couple of minutes he could hear Jacob crunching on a chip. I could go on and on. Do know what I heard? Complete silence. I heard nothing.

All the while, I lay there in amazement. Logically I know that these things make sounds. I just didn't know people could hear them so plainly.

I felt like a blind person that was being told about the beauty of a sunset. I was struck with amazement, sadness, and wonderment. I cried.

I don't pity myself generally. I'm so thankful for the things that I do have. I rarely mourn the things that I don't have. Last night was an exception.

Mud Slinging

2011-04-19T08:38:00.018-05:00

2 weekends ago I did something I said I'd never do. I ran in the Mud Run. It was 6 miles and 22 (23?) obstacles. When the subject was first brought up, I refused. I had previously come to the conclusion that I don't like running. For a time, I fancied myself a runner. I no longer do. I've run in many 5K's, but I never really gotten beyond that. The thought of running 6 miles (10k'ish) AND having to do obstacles was really not something I wished to participate in.

After constant encouragement (and goading), I finally relented. I'm so glad I did. It was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I've ever done. I am so proud of myself for finishing. My goal was simply to finish, and surprisingly, my group wasn't last. There were two other teams behind us. We won!

In the first pic, I'm on the left. I'm going to brag here. (It's my blog and I'll do what I want to) I seriously didn't recognize myself in this picture. I look thin! I haven't said that about a picture of myself years. I've lost 34.2 pounds since 10/09. I have 13.4 left before I reach my goal. It's taken a long time, but it's all been worth it. The skinny guy in the middle is my fabulous Blueberry.

This is me at the very last obstacle. I was completely spent and would have likely fallen to my knees even if I didn't have to.

And finally, me and my fabulous team after we crossed the finish line. I couldn't have done it without them.

And many thanks to our fans that came to cheer us on. Kudos to Joe for putting this video together. I love the music and we look like rock stars! Also, yes, that's me at about 58 seconds. I'm the idiot that didn't let go of the rope and ended up slamming my neck on the bank. Yes, it hurt. Badly. Lesson learned.
Video:

April Fools

2011-04-01T15:51:00.005-05:00

I'm telling you ahead of time, just so there's no confusion, this is my April Fool's joke. Don't freak out, man! I don't like being a trickster.

Joke:
I'm leaving my husband of two years for this pretty gay Asian boy with the fantastic teeth and musical talent. Two words teeth and harmony. What else does a girl need?

I've never heard the original song so I googled it. The original song is awful compared to this cover. This boy has talent...and great teeth!

My Last Hurrah

2011-03-30T13:41:00.002-05:00

I went to a funeral today. It was very sad and solemn. It's not anything like what I want for my service.

I hereby request that my funeral be a party. I want an open bar. I want Casino Night. I want karaoke. I want costumes and merriment. I want laughter. I want to be cremated and my remains should be chucked out the window on the way home. Why do people keep ashes around? It's rather morbid.

I don't want people to stand at the podium and talk about my awesomeness through their tears. Instead, I want everyone to take turns standing up and telling the corniest joke they know. And it must be told incorrectly. Flub a few lines and then clap for joy at your cleverness. The potato joke needs to be saved for last. My blueberry can hold that honor.

Directly after my funeral, I want you to hook my Blueberry up with a smokin' hot babe. I can't stand the thought of him being lonely and sad. Even better, just drop a broken floor tile on the ground and give him a big hug. He'll understand. I so love that man.

Hearing is for the Birds

2011-03-22T08:48:00.003-05:00

I can hear birds now. I don't like them. Every morning when I put on my hearing aids, I'm startled by the screeching sounds outside my bedroom window. I can't believe you hearing people have had to deal with this horrible noise all this time.

I'm wondering why people find singing birds so endearing. Chipper chirping is not my idea of something to wax poetic about.

And on top of their incessant noise making, birds are disgusting. My mailbox is covered in bird droppings. Gross.

I even had a bird poop on my head once. I was walking home from school with a friend, when plop...attack. I very subtly wiped it from the top of my head and pretended nothing happened. Thankfully I'm tall, and she couldn't see the top of my head. I never would have lived that one down.

In summary, (I need to practice writing essays for school)...birds are yucky.

Deaf and Dumb

2011-03-10T09:34:00.002-06:00

Deaf and dumb doesn't mean deaf and stupid. It means deaf and "unable to speak". I've been insulted by spammers twice in the last couple of weeks. Do you think just because we can't hear, that we must be stupid as well? I've been targeted because of my hearing loss. It's both disturbing and insulting. Get your facts straight and try harder when you spam me, jack ass.

School Daze

2011-02-25T11:06:00.006-06:00

I'm pretty sure time stood still at school last night. I finished my work and I had nothing to do. I was trying to look industrious, so I started flipping through my notepad and text book. I came across some notes that Blueberry wrote about a video game he's making, and I started doodling beside it.

I told him later that I found the notes he wrote. And as I was speaking, I realized that I am truly getting the full experience of school. I'm a typical teenager. I had written the name of my crush, and drawn a heart around it. Giggle.

I'm Waiting for the Bad Stuff

2011-02-20T16:24:00.005-06:00

Things have been going so well lately. This isn't normal.

The house has been on the market since August. So I guess that's pretty bad. However, we knew the housing market was in the pits. Since we're in a townhouse, our chances of selling are even worse. I don't like the house, the neighborhood, the neighbors, or the responsibility of home ownership. On the plus side, we don't "have" to move. So staying here a few more years is doable, even if we hate every waking minute of it.

School is going spectacularly. I'm even doing well in my math class. Two months ago, looking at a math problem would make me queasy. Now, I enjoy looking at my notebook. It's chock full of homework problems that I've worked out. It makes me giddy.

I'm Crooked

2011-02-14T11:04:00.005-06:00

I can't hear. I can't see. But I still have my health, sort of.

My new eye doctor is amazing. Dr. House has nothing on him. Among other things, he told me that my eyes are lopsided. To compensate, I tilt my head slightly. In doing so, I've created a giant knot on my right shoulder that has been there since I was very, very young. I've been to eye doctors before! Why didn't they tell me!?

I always thought my shoulder was knotted up because of the great stresses that I have to deal with. Nope, I'm just built wrong. Hopefully glasses will fix it. I am beyond excited.

I'm very lucky that my husband still loves me and my crooked eyes, my barely hearing ears, and my prone-to-hives-rosy cheeks. Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I'm Giddy

2011-01-26T08:19:00.005-06:00

Last night I took my first math test and I made a 100! This is a MEGA-HUGE deal. Math is my archenemy. The first few nights of class brought me to tears.

Thankfully, my ever patient husband helped me through it. After hours of explaining and working with me, I had a breakthrough. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I have since started up with the next set of lessons. I understand none of it, but I refuse to cry. Baby steps.

Jane = 1
Math = 0

Year 40

2011-01-18T09:08:00.009-06:00

It's been a while, pull up a chair. I will overwhelm you with my life's excitement by babbling incomprehensibly.

Today is my first day of school. I'm absolutely terrified. I haven't been to school since my short stint at community college before I met my ex-husband. I don't know if my brain can handle new material.

My left hearing aid is out. My audiologist sent it in for repairs. Again. My first experience with hearing aids has been a bust. Thankfully they are under warranty. I don't expect they'll work beyond that time period. They don't even work now.

I'm extra nervous about school because I expect I won't be able to hear the professor. I imagine it's kind of like being a student that speaks a foreign language. I can't understand the teacher anymore than they can, and I speak English.

I've lost 26 pounds since 10/09. Yes, I'm bragging. Let me have my moment.

I know, I know. You can't tell, I can't even tell. I've got 25-30 to go. I joined Weight Watchers in 10/09 and lost 19 pounds. Then I quit and regained 10. I thought I could do it alone. I couldn't.

I joined again in 10/10 and I'm down another 17. It really is a lifestyle change. I haven't had a cheese enchilada in 4 months, and I honestly don't miss them. Yes, I could have enchiladas if I really wanted them, but I find it easiest just to avoid them altogether. I don't want to get into the habit of eating poorly again.

I've also been doing a small bit of running and then going to boot camp 3 times a week (mostly). I don't know why I keep going. It's the most brutal work out I've ever endured. Jerome has no mercy, but Ivan is a wonderful motivator. It's a good combo.

My 40th year is turning out to be a good one.

The Airplane Book

2010-12-21T11:00:00.003-06:00

When I was in kindergarten we were required to read The Airplane Book daily. Each page had a picture and a line that coincided with a letter of the alphabet. For instance, "Ann ate apples" for the letter A. If we got stuck on a word that we couldn't read, the teacher would help us. Then we would have to stop, and start all over the following day.

I have a huge problem with that technique. I never got past the Q's.

Even at 5, I was an excellent reader. Reading is my passion. I quickly progressed through all of the letters, and darn near read the entire book at the beginning of the school year. Then I got to the Q's. I could read the words. I just couldn't pronounce them. I still remember the line, "The squirrels quarreled." I was 5 years old!! Come on!! It's a tongue twister!

Despite my protests, I never got to finish that stinking book. Every single day during my kindergarten year, I read all the way up to Q and had to stop. To this day I'm still bitter about it. I hate squirrels.

Viva Las Vegas

2010-12-07T13:05:00.011-06:00

We planned our Vegas trip months ago. At the last minute, I went on bended knee and asked David to re-marry me. Instead of a ring, I presented him with a Dave & Buster's token. What can I say? I'm a romantic. We spent our second date there, and we got engaged there. The token is a big deal.

Our original wedding ceremony was a disaster. Actually the ceremony was fine, it was the subsequent drama that caused immense frustration and anger. I called for a do-over.

Vegas was a cartoon. Elvis was ridiculous. The ceremony was silly. It was a good day.

I'm so happy to be married again to my best friend.

Trickery

2010-11-15T12:30:00.003-06:00

I often hear men complaining that their thin, blushing brides, have turned into fat sweaty wives. But has anyone ever complained about their chunky groom, turning into the incredible shrinking husband?

I'm sure I'm the first, but I like my men a little on the heavy side. I'm weird like that. I like tubby men with beautiful teeth. I even married one.

He's lucky I love him, because he's no longer the man I married. Some would say it's a good thing, he's healthy and thin. My blueberry has lost 30 pounds since I met him.

I've been bamboozled.

Girl, Interrupted

2010-11-11T14:07:00.003-06:00

My new life, with the ability to hear, keeps getting interrupted. I've only had my new hearings aids for about 2 months, and the left one has already completely died twice. Today, I'm supposed to pick up a new one from my audiologist.

She has both of my aids so that she can program the new one. I don't understand the process, but they can't be programmed separately.

I've returned to my silent (or quieter) world. I was once terrified about getting the hearing aids, and now I'm terrified of losing them.

I want to hear again.

Sleds -You're Doing it Wrong

2010-10-14T15:09:00.003-05:00

Sleds are for snow, not astro-turf!

I keep trying to explain that concept to the instructors at boot camp. They force us to push heavy weight-laden sleds across miles and miles (ok...yards) of astro-turf. They keep telling me I can do it, that it's my mind keeping me from achieving my goals. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my giant butt and flabby arms.

Poverty

2010-10-13T15:11:00.004-05:00

I saw a blog about poverty a while back. I bookmarked it and I re-read it on occasion.

I laugh at people when they say they are living at poverty level, as they check their messages on their Blackberry, and then drive away in their new cars with their spiffy new shoes. Amazingly, I really do know someone like that.

EDIT: I found this pic and thought it relevant.

Big Fat Miscellany

2010-10-05T11:57:00.008-05:00

My Blueberry called me a Big Fat Liar the other day. All I heard was "big fat," never mind the liar part. I hit him. He now has a black eye. I call him Blackberry now.

Baggage. I used to think I had a lot of it. Dude, I was so wrong. As it turns out, I carry a beautiful beaded clutch-purse compared to some people.

I'm learning to crochet via Youtube tutorials. I've always wanted to be the old lady that carries a bag of yarn around with me. My first project is a scarf. Guess what you're getting for Christmas? A pile of used yarn, most likely.

If I say that I love my neighbors, over and over, will it eventually come true?

One word. Karma. It's just over the horizon. Do you hear my maniacal laughter? You will.

Sounds

2010-09-22T12:12:00.005-05:00

I can hear stuff. It's weird. My keyboard is deafening. My mouse makes clicking noises. Paper crunches and crackles. I can hear the a/c blowing. It's amazing to find out what I've missed. I can't wait for the rain. I want to hear it.

But I still can't hear keys jangling, does that mean I won't be able to hear the rain either?

Holding Back is Hard

2010-09-21T13:04:00.007-05:00

Have you ever wanted to post something so badly, but didn't, because of the drama that would ensue? Usually when that happens I just write a blog draft and delete it. That tactic typically quells the need. Grrr, it didn't help this time.

On a more contented note, I get my hearing aids tomorrow. You can rest assured I will not be wearing eye make-up.

Today's Motivation

2010-09-20T14:57:00.002-05:00

I found this today. I liked it. Now I'm posting it.

Anxiety and Excitement

2010-09-08T12:05:00.004-05:00

Today I went to get fitted for hearing aids. I had to retake a hearing test. I failed. Again. Hearing tests to me, are like Algebra tests are to people that suck at Algebra. (as I do) They are intensely hard and stressful.

After my test, I tried out a couple of aids. At one point the audiologist went into the hallway where I couldn't see her. She asked me questions....and I could hear them! I immediately burst into tears. The general rule is, if I can't see you..I can't hear you.

I was embarrassed, but apparently it's not the first time that has happened to my audiologist. She had a box of tissues at the ready.

I'm looking forward to getting my aids. That is a statement that I never thought I'd say. It's a big deal. Huge.

Cold Cuts

2010-08-27T13:09:00.003-05:00

Isn't it funny how our memory works?

When I was a kid, we were dirt poor. There were 7 of us living in a 2 bedroom/1 bath home. We were skinny because food was scarce (and because my mother was a terrible cook.) We wore clothes bought at yard sales and donated by neighbors because The Goodwill was too expensive.

I remember watching an episode of "Highway to Heaven" with Michael Landon. In this particular episode, Michael Landon's traveling companion was being robbed while he was grocery shopping. He was trying to convince the burglars that it should be obvious that he had no money. He wasn't buying high end groceries...he said something along the lines of "Can't you see I have no money? I'm buying cold cuts!"

I was shocked! In my family, cold cuts were like a rare expensive treat. And by cold cuts, I mean a $0.99 pack of bologna. It was in that moment, that I think I realized how poor we truly were.

It saddens me to see other people take things for granted. I'm glad I grew up in poverty. I will never take anything for granted. Ever.

It's Official

2010-08-24T10:19:00.004-05:00

I'm getting hearing aids. The rehabilitative program will pay for about 60% of the cost. I'm pleased with that. It's more than I expected.

However, I'm still wishy-washy about the whole idea. Part of me is super excited, and another part is terrified.

I probably picked the wrong day to wear eye make-up.

Nerds and Their Games

2010-08-17T13:00:00.003-05:00

I read a blog the other day written by a woman that takes an interest in her husband's nerdy pursuits. Unfortunately, my handsome nerd was reading it over my shoulder. I'm pretty sure he was hoping I would change my tune and join his nerd activities. I felt a small pang of guilt that I won't even pretend to care about his nerd games.

Then today, my pang became a bit larger. My friend's wife is going to learn how to play Magic the Gathering with him. The game involves big card decks and lots of nerds. I know nothing of the game, even though the cards were originally owned by my Blueberry. He gave the cards to my friend. I saw them once, in a box. That's the extent of my knowledge on the subject.

I also know of someone that used to play WoW with her man. My man used to play WoW. I tried really hard to play. I lasted about 10 minutes and I couldn't make my character walk in a straight line. It made me dizzy. I did win some boots with fur as a prize. That was exciting. But not exciting enough for me to ever log back on.

Does that make me a bad wife? Should I be more interested in things that interest him?

Fudge Knuckles!

2010-08-16T10:56:00.002-05:00

Remember when you were a kid, and you couldn't wait to grow up, so that you would be the one to make decisions about your life and choices? Well, I'm grown up and other people are still making my decisions. And by people, I mean a single moronic person. Fudge Knuckles!

So instead of ranting and raving about a personal topic on my public blog, I looked for synonyms of "moron" and I will scream them at the top of my lungs.

Halfwit! Simpleton! Fool! Buffoon! Pinhead! Twit! Imbecile! And my absolute favorite, and most appropriate...Fathead!

Fail

2010-08-03T08:26:00.005-05:00

My hearing test yesterday went as expected. I failed. I actually have less of a loss than I thought I did. I have about a 30% loss in each ear. I can't hear high frequencies, and that makes it hard for me to understand speech. I can hear it, kind of. I just can't understand it. To me, most people sound like Charlie Brown's parents. "Wah wah wah."

Blueberry drove my car this weekend and announced that I had blown out my car stereo speakers. So without the benefit of lip reading, I guess I cranked it to high. Shrug....I guess I'll have to buy a new car ;)

You Dropped Your Tile

2010-07-28T08:35:00.003-05:00

Blueberry and I share the same silly sense of humor. We often roll with laughter about things that most people wouldn't even crack a smile over.

A while back, we were walking through a mall, and Blueberry saw a passerby drop something. He got her attention quickly to let her know, "M'am, you dropped your....tile?" She dropped nothing. Instead, she had accidentally kicked a small piece of loose tile flooring.

Blueberry and I laughed uncontrollably for hours. Even today, the mere reference to tile sends us into fits of giggles.

30 Days

2010-07-21T09:48:00.004-05:00

Today is day 30 of the P90. I did lose a minuscule amount of inches. It's not the loss I was hoping for, but it's a loss nonetheless.

My blueberry on the other hand, achieved great success. He lost major inches everywhere (chest, arms, legs, hips, waist.) I only lost negligible amounts on my waist and hips. Boo! Hiss!

Speaking of hearing, (yes, I know I wasn't talking about hearing...it's a joke, people) I talked to the DARS rep today to see if I qualify for their program to help finance aids. I have my official hearing test on Aug 2. I expect that I'll fail it with flying colors. Hehe.

Song of the Junebug

2010-07-16T09:19:00.002-05:00

I can't hear keys jangling.
I can't hear junebugs scuttling.
I can't hear alarm clocks unless they are directly beside my head.
I can't hear my cell phone ringing, unless it's loud enough to pierce a normal person's hearing.
I can't watch television without captions.
I can't understand people with accents.

I'm good at pretending that I hear things. If you don't know me well, you might assume I hear everything you say. I don't. I pretend to. We can even have a real, meaningful conversation and you probably wouldn't know. I read lips mostly. If I can't see you, I can't hear you.

I used to work with a girl that thought I was a bitch because I wouldn't respond to her morning greeting. This went on for months. I didn't hear her. When she found out, she felt like chump. I thought it was hilarious.

I have an appointment with a hearing aid person next week. I am terrified. Why? I don't know. I can't put it into words. I've needed aids since I was a teen. I didn't want them then, and I don't want them now. I still may not get them, but I'll go to my appointment.

No Thanks for the Memories, Mel

2010-07-13T12:44:00.005-05:00

I just heard the Mel Gibson recorded rant. It was all so eerily familiar. I had forgotten what crazy sounds like. I couldn't listen to the whole thing. It's left me quite shaken.

I've heard it before.

Baby Shower Follies

2010-07-12T12:14:00.002-05:00

This Saturday I went to baby shower. I was hit with a painful truth. My stomach's circumference is the same as a 7 month pregnant woman. Really. I won't go into details, we'll just leave it there on the table for you to digest.

The fact that I've been working out 6 days a week (sometimes twice a day), for the last 3 weeks, has obviously made no difference. In fact, I've gained 2 pounds. Never mind that I've also been following the Weight Watcher's points guideline for 4 weeks.

Does anyone watch The Biggest Loser? Do you remember last season, when Melissa gained a pound early on at fat camp? And the trainers accused her of cheating? They said it wasn't physically possible for her to gain weight with all of the training and dieting. They yelled at her and made her cry. Now granted, I didn't like that chic in the least, but that could have been me!!

Next week I break out the measuring tape. It will be my 30 day point. I'm supposed to see a huge difference in inches, even if there is no change in weight. We'll see how that goes. You should expect an intensely angry blog post on 7/21.

Wanted: Fat Friends

2010-07-07T12:25:00.005-05:00

...or friends without cameras. Either option will do.

I love my friends. I don't love cameras. Lately, I've been spending a lot time with my beautiful skinny friends, and there's always someone lurking around with a camera. I don't photograph well. And I especially don't photograph well when I'm standing next to beautiful, skinny, model-like girls in teeny weeny bikinis. I stand out like a sore thumb. A big fat swollen sore thumb.

Do you remember when cameras were only brought out on special occasions? Why must they be everywhere now? Why?!

Stalk Blocked

2010-06-29T14:22:00.003-05:00

One of my stalking subjects has changed her privacy settings on Facebook. I can no longer see her status or pictures. Boo! How could she do that to me? Doesn't she know that I depend on her for entertainment and information? So rude. Would it be weird if I sent her a friend request? Haha. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she saw my request.

And if you think I'm talking about you. You're just wrong. She doesn't read my blog or have access to my FB. She absolutely wouldn't take the time to look me up. Or would she?

Yes, I know I have a couple stalkers as well. Yes, you, girly...I know you stalk me. And boy, oh, boy is it fun to plant seeds!

Simple Math?

2010-06-28T13:33:00.003-05:00

Please solve the following word problem:

Jane and Blueberry work out every day for 6 days straight. They also eat a low calorie diet for 2 weeks. Jane and Blueberry attend a Rangers game at 2:05 on Saturday afternoon. Blueberry consumes a vat of nachos and 3 beers. Jane consumes a Diet Coke and a bottle of water. Blueberry loses 4 pounds. Jane gains one pound. How. Is. This. Possible???

Sigh.

Day 4 Almost Didn't Happen

2010-06-24T08:27:00.003-05:00

Blueberry is wise to my tricks. I desperately tried to get some extra sleep this morning instead of working out. Despite my urging, he refused to go on his morning run until I was awake, dressed, and planted in front of my workout dvd.

He's a smart one. He left, and then came back, because he knew the chances of me jumping back into bed were still pretty high. He was right. Sigh.

Part of me is really happy to have him know me so well. The other part of me is not at all pleased.

Side note...there are 3 bugs flying around in my office. I'm getting a second workout while trying to swat them out of existence. ARGH!

In the Beginning...

2010-06-21T14:10:00.002-05:00

I started my 90 day work out today. It's a big deal. I woke up at 5:45 am. Woot!

According to the guide, I'm supposed to take measurements of my legs, arms, chest...etc. Do you know my left leg, is a full inch smaller than my right leg? Weird, considering that I actually use both legs to walk. Am I walking funny? Don't answer that.

I'm also supposed to take before and after photos. If my "after" photos make me look smokin' hot...maybe I'll post them. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

Doctor's Office Flirts

2010-06-17T08:14:00.001-05:00

So yesterday I went to the dermatologist to get my face looked at. Yes, my face hurts. Is it killing you? Har-dee-har.

I've had an unsightly rash on my face for the last few months. I thought it was an allergy...but I was wrong. It's stress related. Gosh, I can't imagine why I would have stress related hives all over my face. It's a mystery. Not.

Anyway, while I was in the waiting room, I was spotted by a friendly older man. And by older, I mean 80. He winked at me from across the room, and I smiled back...wrong move. Wrong move!!!

He got up out of his seat, hobbled over to me with his walker, and sat down beside me. He pulled out his iPhone and started showing me "funny" emails. And by funny, I mean not funny. The one he found particularly hilarious was about a patriotic Pepsi can. I feigned laughter. I'm a nice person and hey, I must admit...I don't catch the eye of many men these days. I liked the attention!! I did!

But I'm a married woman, and refused to give him my number. Mostly because he didn't ask for it. ;)

Unwiling Procrastinator

2010-06-16T08:33:00.004-05:00

This week was supposed to be my new start at an exercise routine. According to my new Power 90 work out set, I'm supposed to be smokin' hot in 90 days. There's only one catch...I need to actually use the DVDs. (Side note: How is that spelled? DVD's? Or DVDs? Nothing looks right!!)

Hopefully next week, my obscenely twisted back will be better, and I'll be able to get after it. After all, there are only about 90 days left until the Jailbreak run.

Love is...

2010-06-15T09:51:00.004-05:00

My dad used to cut out the "Love is.." comics and bring them home to my mother when he found one that he especially liked. My parents weren't particularly romantic, so it was a big gesture from him.

If I were to draw that comic today, I would call it "Love is....when your husband hears you crying at 4:30 in the morning with back pain, and he wakes up and gives you drugs and a massage."

I'm so lucky to be loved by him.

Flossy McFlosserson

2010-06-08T12:57:00.004-05:00

I'm scared of my dentist. No, I'm not scared of having my teeth worked on. I'm afraid of letting her down. She's been my dentist since I was 21. For you math lovers...that's almost 19 years.

I don't floss daily. (Yes, I brush regularly!) She can tell by looking at my teeth, but she always asks anyway. And I always respond with my head hung in shame. She looks at me with such sadness and disappointment.

I expect she'll be retiring soon, and I want to make her proud of me while I still have the chance. I've been flossing every day in preparation for my appointment at the end of the month. Go me!

Have Suit, Will Swim

2010-06-04T12:19:00.003-05:00

The rumors are true. I wore a swimsuit, twice!

I've decided it's my new favorite form of exercise. I'm in pitiful, horrible shape. Each lap, left me gasping and choking for air.

I have to shape up if I'm going to bust out of jail in September. I can't let my cellmates down. So excited!

From a Series of Tubes to Paper

2010-05-25T13:55:00.008-05:00

I'm deleting my MySpace account.

I used to blog there. I had to print it all out, since I'm deleting the account. I don't want to lose those memories.

My first post was 4/9/06. Wow, that was ages ago. I had fun reading back over the last few years. I crack myself up. My entries are wildly neurotic. Not much has changed, in that sense.

High School

2010-05-17T14:21:00.005-05:00

I know I went to high school. I remember graduating, but not much else.

Someone sent me 8 Facebook friend suggestions, and I know that I should remember them. We apparently went to school together, but I haven't got a clue who they are. The names sound familiar, but were we friends? Who knows? It's all very uncomfortable. Is this what Alzheimer's feels like?

Men in Skorts

2010-05-14T09:43:00.004-05:00

I love date night with my special blueberry. It's always an adventure, but last night was definitely a night to remember.

A man sporting a skort and dainty heels entered the bar last night. He didn't make a pretty woman, but hey, who am I to judge? I can't pull off that look either.

I had to make a trip to the ladies room, and on my return, I saw my blueberry whispering sweet nothings into the ear of the smokin' hot blond beside him. I was about to go bonk him on the head, until he explained.

Apparently the skorted man had approached her and told her that she had a rockin' figure. Generally if a man approaches a woman and makes that kind of pronouncement, it's because he wants to be with her. I think in this case, he wanted to be her. Good times.

Thinspiration

2010-05-12T13:12:00.004-05:00

My nephew was digging through old photos last week and stumbled across this pic of me when I was about 17 or 18. I was a dork. I still am.

The difference is that I weighed about half of what I do now. I'm going to put a printed copy of this photo on my fridge as Thinspiration.

I will admit, I was a tad on the anorexic side. I ate only one small meal a day. It was easy, considering my mother's cooking skills. But look how well that worked out for me!

And why did I decide to start eating? It might have something to do with my discovery of cheese enchiladas.

Rah Rah Rah! Sis Boom Bah!

2010-05-05T08:52:00.003-05:00

Most young girls dream of being cheerleaders. I thought it was all about being beautiful and popular. I didn't realize how much hard work is involved. Did you know you have to yell? And do the splits?

I recently tried out for the head cheerleader position for my beloved husband's volleyball team. I was ecstatic when I was chosen to represent the team by a group of my peers.

After the first game, my throat was raw from yelling. During the second game, I decided to keep my yells to a minimum. But who knew that heckling the team you're cheering for, is frowned upon? I got fired. I never even got to wear the skirt.

Fancy Schmancy!

2010-04-29T09:34:00.001-05:00

I updated the look of my blog. I worked really hard designing this new format. Really, really hard! Or maybe, I just chose a new template. You don't know!

Hello, I'm Jane, and I'm a Words with Friends addict. It's a struggle. I live one day at a time. Join me in a game! I'm PlainJaneDough, look me up. I'm not good terribly good at it, but I love it nonetheless. (Is that one word? "Nonetheless"...hmmm, I may use it in WWF)

Golly Gosh

2010-04-27T16:31:00.000-05:00

I wish I were a good writer. I would write all sorts of fascinating tidbits for you to read. But I'm not, so please consider this statement fascinating.

Lucky

2010-04-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

I just shudder when I read stories like this one. The woman in this story is lucky though, she lived, most don't.

For years I expected to be a headline. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones too.

Sad Face

2010-04-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

I saw this today and realized how out of control we are these days.

Which One Works Best?

2010-04-07T14:40:00.000-05:00

If you're trying to lose weight, and want inspiration to do so, what kind of feedback do you find most helpful?

Positivity: "Oooh, I'll look like this if I lose weight!"
Or Negativity:

Neither of them seem to motivate me these days.

I Request a Do Over

2010-03-29T12:42:00.000-05:00

They say writing your anger down is cathartic. I agree. I just wrote a scathing blog and deleted it. In summary, it said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

On a happy note, I'm celebrating my first wedding anniversary on April Fool's Day!! Congrats to me and my handsome hunk of a man! I knew we had something special when he serenaded me about boots with fur.

Test Results

2010-03-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

Most people get really excited when they get good news from the doctor. I must admit, I was almost hoping that there was something wrong with me. It would explain so many things. I'm completely normal and healthy.

Lunch Date

2010-03-18T12:43:00.000-05:00

I work about 2 minutes from the house where I was raised. My parents still live there, and I go see them on my lunch hour a few times a month.

Every single time I visit, my mother compliments me on my weight loss, even if I haven't lost weight. (I think she tries to balance out my Dad's not so nice comments regarding my weight.)

I saw her today, and she didn't compliment me during my visit. In fact she warned me that the avocado/tomato sandwich I was eating, was really fattening. Bleh! It's not like I was eating a burger and fries. I'm ok with the fat in avocados, it's the "good kind" of fat.

Anyway, she must have realized that she forgot to compliment me, because lo and behold, when I got back to work, there was an email waiting for me.....complimenting me on maintaining my weight loss. Hehe.

Wasteful Spending

2010-03-09T13:16:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I received a letter from the U.S. Census Bureau, letting me know that they will be sending me a letter soon. Wow, thanks guys. Good use of government funds.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

2010-02-18T12:20:00.000-06:00

We went to see Katie's latest theater production last night. I was surprised to find myself singing along with all of the songs. How is it that I know most of the words to "Fiddler on the Roof", but I have no memory of ever having seen it before?

Speaking of musicals, I highly recommend "Sweeney Todd" with Johnny Depp. It's very violent, but the music and story are fabulous! Do it.

And Then There were Seven

2010-02-17T10:04:00.000-06:00

I think I used to have 8 loyal followers/stalkers of my blog. I honestly am not certain, but 7 looks all wrong. I was feeling rather important with 8. Who left me? Was it something I said?

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T10:30:00.000-06:00

I don't really get worked up about the holidays, but I LOVE Valentine's Day.

My day started wonderfully, and I shared the morning with 3 fabulous babies. I returned home with high expectations, only to find David zonked out and overdosed on cold medicine. He has been sick for the last year (it seems) and yesterday was no different.

We tried to have a romantic dinner, but between bites, David was snuffly and miserable, while I was antsy and suffering from cabin fever. After dinner, David had to work and I fell asleep on the couch around 7:30. Ah, sweet romance.

Maybe next year.

Potatoes!

2010-02-12T13:14:00.000-06:00

I realize "potatos" is spelled wrong. Get off my case!

Emo Therapy

2010-02-10T14:40:00.000-06:00

I've been limping around for months from a mystery injury to my leg. I finally caved in and went to a physical therapist.

When I looked up and saw a 22 year old Emo boy with pretty hair walking towards me, I didn't expect him to accomplish much. I'm pleased to say I was wrong. I'm fairly certain that sweet boy put as much effort into caring for my leg as he does into styling his hair.

My Year, Asparagus, and Bathroom Renovations

2010-01-13T08:25:00.000-06:00

My Year:
I will be 40 in October. A friend of mine celebrates her birthday for an entire month. I'm thinking the big 4-0 deserves an entire year. My gray hair and wrinkles deserve adoration and celebration. I will be accepting monetary gifts all year. Please don't give me a gifty gift. I won't like it. I promise.

Asparagus, Toenail Clippers, and Dishwasher Repairmen:
**This paragraph was deleted by the author. I've decided the story can't be repeated.**

Bathroom Renovations:
Repairs are needed. We are ignoring them, and hoping they go away. When we fail, we go all out.

The Longest Blog I've Ever Done

2009-12-15T09:54:00.000-06:00

I recently joined an online support group for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Lately, I've been feeling down about my HOH problems and I wanted to surround myself with people understand my troubles. One of the members shared the following article written by someone that is able to express exactly what I go through.

I know it's long, and it doesn't fit into my usual anti-TLDR stance, but it's a good read and it will help you (the 3 readers of my blog) to understand me better.

Family Gathering Tips for Hard of Hearing
by Beth J. Wilson

Introduction
The image that many people have of the family gathering is one of laughter and cheer as family members get together with people they know and love to share each other's company. The reality for many people with hearing loss is that these events are frustrating. When communication is a struggle, the hard of hearing family member can be left feeling isolated in a room full of people.

In this article we will examine this phenomenon, identifying the problem that exists for hard of hearing people and the reasons that communication is so difficult. Then, armed with a better understanding of where the breakdowns exist, we can talk about some strategies to make the family gathering a more pleasant experience for everyone.

The Problem
Hard of hearing people often feel isolated in a crowd of people. The first few times the conversation becomes mysterious, we will ask for something to be repeated. As time wears on, though, we become frustrated that we are missing so much and "they" become irritated at having to repeat so many things. This is when the "us" vs. "them" barriers are raised and the problem really begins.

For the hard of hearing person, the blood pressure begins to rise the first time the question "what did you say?" is answered with "oh, it was nothing important." Tempers really flare when the hearing family member asks in frustration, "Are you wearing your hearing aid?" Eventually the once-uttered questions such as, "what did you say," "what are we talking about," and "what was so funny" become silent questions that melt into a state of despair. The only thought that then emerges is, "I wonder what is going on."

This happens all the time for hard of hearing people. Why is it more isolating at a family gathering? One reason is that this is an environment where we should be able to feel relaxed. Resentment builds as we see all our relatives enjoying themselves and having a good time and we have to work so hard to hear so little. Family settings are also a little more forgiving. Usually if we behave badly or let our frustrations show, the family will forgive us. We can't express our frustration as easily in the workplace, for example. When we try out our assertiveness techniques in a "safe" environment and still have troubles, it is even more frustrating.

Bad Coping Techniques
There are plenty of bad coping models we have learned to use. One technique I refer to as the "Bully Method." This is where we insist that whatever was said once for the hearing audience must be repeated for us. We become bitter because we have to be so assertive. We certainly are not able to have a good time because we have to be so aggressive. And don't forget the hearing
people in the exchange. This technique cannot be pleasant for them either. The message is that we are missing the fun and it is their fault that we are missing it or their responsibility to fill in the gaps.

Another technique is the "Me Method." Simply stated, if we are talking then we are not required to listen. Many hard of hearing people don't even realize that they employ this technique. If you monopolize the conversation and do all the talking, then you have some fun for a change. If you happen to be entertaining (we all believe we are…) then the others in the room will also have some fun. The reality sets in when later we find out some news about a family member that we missed because we didn't give anyone the opportunity to share anything with us.

The last technique is the most common and I refer to this as the "I'm Gone Method." This is where we drop out of the event either physically or emotionally. When everyone laughs at a punch line that we missed, we pretend to have heard it and laugh right along. Most of us are pretty effective at the "deaf nod" technique where we pretend the conversation we have tuned out is completely fascinating. Eventually we will leave the room and some of us won't even show up in the first place.

Why Is It So Hard?
Just as people who have no problems walking hardly notice a set of stairs, hearing people do not immediately recognize those elements of an environment that make us miserable. Hearing people are able to focus on multiple conversations. Hard of hearing people cannot focus on more than one conversation and in most cases lose the primary conversation if there are competing voices. Hearing people enjoy music in the background and can ignore a TV program they are not watching. Hard of hearing people cannot block out such noises and cannot understand speech with a stereo or television on. Hearing people understand each other even with their backs turned or from another room. Hard of hearing people need "line-of-sight" communication without obstacles (beards and mustaches) or obstructions (napkins, papers, hands). Hearing people can carry on a conversation with the lights dimmed. For hard of hearing people "mood lighting" is the source of a bad mood.

The solution requires work by everyone. As hard of hearing people, we cannot expect our hearing family members to know what is a problem for us unless we tell them. For many hearing people the first step is recognizing that there is a problem and the remaining steps are trying to discover a better way. With some exceptions that have nothing to do with hearing loss, our family members do not want to exclude us. They just don't know how to include us.

This disconnect is what makes frustrations mount for everyone involved. We feel isolated because we are missing all the conversations. We feel sad because we see how irritated others are becoming at repeating things for us. We feel exhausted because the listening is hard work for us all the time.

It is not easy for our hearing family members, either. They feel guilty when they look over at us and realize that we are missing everything. They feel sad when they realize that we are not enjoying ourselves.

Eventually no one is happy. We become angry because the hearing people stop repeating things. Our hearing family members become angry because they have to say everything twice. Let's face it; the story is never as funny the second time it is told. When we don't find it as amusing as the hearing people did at their showing, we feel cheated. The real insult comes when we hear the common retort, "I told you it wasn't worth repeating."

Understanding Speech Perception
Those of us with a hearing loss know that we struggle to understand speech, but often we don't know why. The answer is in the way that our brains interpret speech sounds. There are many sounds that enter our ears, and spoken words are unique in their structure. Hearing people receive more information and their brains are able to sort through the confusion better. Hard of hearing people receive ambiguous information and it is much more work for our brains to sort out the mess.

Think of speech as a musical chord with 4 notes. The lowest note is produced when the speaker's vocal chord vibrates. This note is lower for men and higher for children. The next note depends on the way the speaker constricts their throat to make the word. The next higher note is determined by what the speaker does inside their mouth (hidden behind their teeth). For example, "n" and "t" have similar 3rd notes. The highest note is formed by the way the sound is stopped (if at all). Vowels are not stopped and have a lower frequency note in the chord. The "s" and "f" chords are identical except that the teeth stop the "s" (resulting in a higher frequency note) and the lips stop the "f".

When someone mumbles they stomp on that highest note in the chord. Even a hearing person will have trouble with a person that mumbles because suddenly a lot of words sound the same. Our brains know that there are supposed to be 4 notes in the chord, so will try to make sense of what information is available. It is kind of like a very fast game from Wheel of Fortune. The
auditory processing sees a phrase with some blanks for letters. Our brains have learned that the "s" and "f" are similar, so if the first 3 notes match the right way, these 2 letters will be on a list to pick from.

Background Noise Makes it Worse
The missing notes from our speech chord are a struggle, but this is made much worse with background noise. Background noise gives the brain too much information. Especially when there are a lot of people talking or music in the room, these frequencies come in with the speech and make it so that many choices are available for all of the blanks.

Some noises are worse than others. A fan or water running is often called "white noise." This means that all of the frequencies in the speech range are being shoved into your ear. The brain doesn't know which frequencies to ignore and which frequencies to put together in a speech chord. A hearing aid amplifies the background noise with the speech and gives the brain a mess to sort through. A nearby conversation is hard, too, because now you are hearing words from different people.

The other part of the problem is that most of us with a hearing loss have a range of frequencies that we hear somewhat with our hearing aids, but not as good as other frequencies. Noise in this range masks the speech and gives us more blanks to work with in our Wheel of Fortune game. Now not only do we have too many choices for all the blanks - we have more blanks to fill!

If we work hard, we might be able to fill in the blanks in one phrase before the next one comes in. Eventually, though, we will get too tired and we won't be finished with one phrase before the next sets of blanks arrive. This is when our brain says, "Forget it, I can't keep up." It seems like all of the sudden we can't understand anything. I know if I keep struggling it will give me a headache.

When Lipreading Helps
Lipreading is one of the most misunderstood skills for hard of hearing people. We depend on lipreading so much, but it can get us in a lot of trouble if we depend on it as the only source of speech information. Unlike the actors in Hollywood, we cannot understand people by just lipreading them.

Unfortunately many people believe that we are able to understand complex conversations by lipreading as if this were a skill we were given automatically to compensate for our hearing loss. The reality is that lipreading is a difficult skill that few are able to master. Another myth is
that lipreading can be an accommodation. When we ask for the television volume to be turned down so that we can participate in a conversation in the same room, our relatives may suggest that we lipread and let them watch the game or movie. The reality is that lipreading is only successful when the speaker never moves, all the words are known, the words are predictable, and the words are visible. That beard or mustache that our relatives find so charming is a real nuisance for us.

The real problem is that lipreading is not reliable. Returning to the musical chord analogy, the highest note is determined by the way the speaker stops the air ("s" with the teeth or "f" with the lips) if it is stopped (vowels are not stopped but are shaped in this note). The three lower notes are invisible. An "excellent" lipreader can only see one of the four notes. In a noisy environment we are guessing at 75% of the conversation. No wonder lipreading feels so hard.

Lipreading does help, though. If you heard the lower 3 notes and could "see" the highest note, you could figure out the chord. Many of us hear lower sounds better than higher sounds, so lipreading gives us the high frequency information we cannot hear. The lesson here is that lipreading is the most effective tool for us only in a quiet setting.

Unusable Volume
There is a well-documented but often misunderstood phenomenon for hard of hearing people where much of the volume range is not useable. The hearing aid industry understands this as a concept where very little of the amplification scale is helpful to us.

The best way to explain this effect is by a hypothetical example. Let's say I was to walk into a room where a hearing person is watching television and they have the volume set on "5." When I sit down and try to watch the program I am struggling and finally will ask, "can you turn that up, please?

I can't understand anything that is going on." The person will have to turn it up to "8" before I can understand the program clearly, but it is probably uncomfortable for them. When the program finishes, I leave the room announcing that I'm going to read the newspaper in the next room. The hearing person turns the volume back to "5" with some sense of relief. A few minutes later I come back into the room and say, "can you turn that down, please? I can't concentrate with that TV blaring." The hearing person looks at me with confusion as they must turn the volume down to "3" before I am satisfied.

As a hard of hearing person, I have to have the volume unbearably loud to be able to understand speech, but I also have to have it unreasonably soft to be able to block it out. On the hypothetical volume control, the range from "4" to "7" is useless to me.

The reason that it is important for us to understand this effect and be able to explain it is that when we ask for the TV or stereo to be turned down it needs to be almost off to be of benefit to us. When we don't understand the concept of unusable volume, we may believe that the hearing person doesn't believe it is difficult for us because they hardly turned the stereo down at all when we asked. When our hearing family members don't understand unusable volume, they think they are helping and become frustrated when we demand more. They may even think our request to turn the TV off is unreasonable since we need it so loud to understand it, the volume in the background can't possibly be disturbing us.

Ideas and Strategies
If anything you have just read is new to you, you can imagine what a revelation it would be to a hearing person. The first coping tip is to be open about our hearing loss. Explain the limitations and offer suggestions. Phrases like "my hearing aid amplifies noise just as much as speech" can go a long way in explaining why we are struggling. Explaining that unusable volume is common among hard of hearing people makes our mysterious dislike of normal volume levels comprehendible. Also, when we talk offer information about our hearing loss we make it acceptable to talk about, ask questions about, and discover solutions for. For some reason people sometimes act as if we don't know we have a hearing loss. It is almost as if there is some social code that prohibits the mention of hearing aids or our hearing loss in case we might suddenly discover it. If we bring it up, then it becomes an acceptable subject and the barriers start to fall.

The second step is to make your needs known. If the television or radio is playing in the room where you are trying to understand a conversation, ask to turn it down or off. If the lights are dimmed for some ceremony or effect, ask that there be a time when the effect is complete and you can be allowed to join the conversation again. The key here is in how you go about this. If you explode with contempt when the lights are dimmed exclaiming, "now I can't hear anything, you must turn the lights back on," the poor person at the controls will feel either guilty that they didn't somehow know it was a problem for you or angry that you seem so negative. A better way
would be something like, "these candles are really nice and what a nice way to start the dinner - if you don't mind I need to bring the lights up a little, though, so that I can rejoin the conversation."

Another coping tip is to be more realistic about what you are able to do. If you will develop a headache trying to follow all the conversation at the dinner table, try to recognize what is within your range. You will enjoy yourself more if you can follow the conversation of the person next to you and across from you and ignore the events at the other end of the table. Identify your sphere of capability and work within that.

The fourth idea is related to this. Sometimes you need to be more selective about where you will participate in the family function. If the television is too loud in the living room, then ask the person you are talking with if you can move into the kitchen where it is easier to talk. Walk around and find a quieter place that is easier for you to understand conversation and talk to whoever is there. If you establish your comfortable space, maybe people will come to you.

The fifth tip is to take time out if you need it. Listening is an active event for us while it is a passive experience for hearing people. Understanding speech is more work for us and sometimes we need a break. There is nothing wrong with excusing yourself for a short walk or a drive or
some time in a quiet place where you don't have to listen. Be honest about what you are doing. If you just disappear your relatives may think you are angry or brooding. Remarking as you put your coat on, "I need to give my lipreading eyeballs a break, I think I'll take a little walk" will put your action in a cheerful framework of coping instead of a tense example of not coping well.

Summary
The important thing is to not try to hide your hearing loss. Explain why it is difficult for you to hear when there is noise in the background. Dispel the lipreading myths and describe your problems with unusable volume. Make the process a partnership between you and the people you want to communicate with. It may be your hearing loss but when you are unable to participate it is a loss for those around you as well. Real solutions in this kind of environment require a partnership where everyone works together to make the communication possible.

You have the best understanding of your hearing loss, so you are in a good position to offer strategies to help you participate. Be firm about your communication needs, but assertiveness does not necessarily mean aggressiveness. The more positive your attitude, the more responsive those around you are to learning about your needs.

Head Scarves & Accomplishments

2009-12-08T12:20:00.000-06:00

I'm envious of Muslim women. The don't have to fix their hair everyday. Can you imagine having that kind of freedom? Freedom, bah!

We are almost finished with the upstairs bathroom renovation! Woot! I am beyond excited. We're trying to come up with a project name for our next job. We're considering:

1. What's Beneath the Carpet?
2.Why Would Anyone EVER Put Carpet in a Bathroom?
3. The Thought of Starting Work on the Other Bathroom Makes Me Physically Ill.
4. If I Have to Bust Open Another Paint Can, I'm Gonna Punch Someone in the Mouth.
5. Does Wallpaper Cover Holes in the Ceiling?
6. Will the Cracked Toilet Bowl Hold Out Until We Can Get the House Sold?

Oh, the choices!

2nd Anniversary of the Best Date Ever

2009-12-04T12:11:00.000-06:00

On Sunday, David and I will celebrate the two year anniversary of our first date. At that point I had been single for 4 years, and I had gone on countless first dates, but they rarely went beyond that. I really didn't expect this one to amount to anything either. I'm so glad I was wrong.

I arrived at our meeting point and was scanning the room for him. Immediately, the front door opened, and in he walked. If you know me, you know that I have an insane attraction to teeth. David grinned at me and I swooned. He has the BEST gap in between his two front teeth, and he rocks it. Just try and tell me differently.

Every girl has a list of things that she wants to find in a man, but we never really expect anyone to have all of those traits. I found them. Every single requirement on my list was checked off when I met David. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world.

I Can't Hear You in the Dark

2009-12-03T15:35:00.000-06:00

Hard of hearing. That's what I am. The older I get, the worse it gets. Most people are generally sympathetic, but no one really understands how isolating it is. And because I don't look physically disabled, people don't get it. A few days ago someone exclaimed, "Wow, you really are deaf!"....ummmm, yes, I AM!!! Did you think I was lying??!! Geez. Maybe I'll get a wheelchair so you can see that I have a disability, telling you doesn't work.

Look me up on IMDB

2009-11-20T09:10:00.000-06:00

You may remember a few years ago when I had my breakout role as a movie star. I was cool and collected. There was no nervous laughter and I didn't fiddle with my hair at all. I was a huge star at the car dealership rally convention thing. Thanks, Shaun!

My friend Jason saw my video and realized my incredible potential. Look for me in his movie set to debut next year http://www.thecthulhukey.com/. And in the meantime, check out his first attempt at a music video. Pretty darn good, eh?

Seeds

2009-11-13T12:28:00.001-06:00

I need to start a garden.

One Sided Argument

2009-11-13T12:26:00.000-06:00

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If two people argue, and one of them doesn't hear the argument, can the damage be undone?
-YZ Chin

Directions

2009-10-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Jacob asked me how to get to Staples. I gave him directions, but I knew that he would call me when he got lost. Sure enough, ten minutes later I received the call. I again explained to him that it was right beside the Target, by the Petco (Petsmart?) in the same parking lot. He hung up.

As expected, he called again. I again, frustratedly explained that it is in the SAME PARKING LOT he was currently driving aimlessly through. He hung up.

He called again, utterly confused. This is typical for him, as he gets lost anytime he pulls from the driveway. Finally he asked the right question, "Are we talking about the same place?" I said "Yes, Staples is in the Target parking lot."

Yeah, he was looking for Blockbuster. I don't know how I got that wrong. Blockbuster doesn't even rhyme with Staples.

Moral of the story: Don't ask a deaf and directionally challenged person for directions. Chances are you won't find what you're looking for.

Lyrical Woes

2009-10-22T17:35:00.000-05:00

I love music. But for me, it takes a lot of effort to listen to most songs. If the song is catchy, I want to learn the words. I can't hear the words. That makes life rather difficult.

A few years back, I was loving Macy Gray's "I Try." The lyrics to the chorus are "My world crumbles when you are not here." I couldn't figure out what the words were, so I made up my own. I would drive down the street singing at the top of my lungs "I blow bubbles when you are not here."

I must admit, having a hearing loss isn't all bad. It makes my life much more interesting than the average Jane.

Send in the clowns

2009-10-08T12:31:00.000-05:00

No, wait...send out the clowns. I no longer live in the circus tent. Red, green, yellow....gone! There is still a circus upstairs, but whatever. I avoid going up there to save my own sanity and to avoid catching the plague.

Oblivious

2009-09-30T09:31:00.000-05:00

This is a pic of a lonely french fry that landed on my dashboard during in a feeding frenzy. I have no idea how long it’s been there. I can’t even remember the last time I ate fries in my car.

Waivering

2009-09-22T09:45:00.000-05:00

I have always envied runners. That envy is gone. Running holds no joy for me. If it weren’t for David, I would have quit months ago. I hate being a quitter though. Half finished projects make me anxious. I vowed to end it last night, but now I feel guilty and want to continue….but I really don’t. I’m torn between living up to my commitment and putting the brakes on something that I’ve come to loathe. Not to mention the fact that David has lost almost 25 pounds and I’ve gained 3. Boys are rude.

Frizzies and friends

2009-09-17T12:34:00.001-05:00

Does anyone really bother to fix their hair when it has been raining for a week straight?

I hate driving. I'm mostly a nice person, but when I get behind the wheel my patience drops to zero. This morning I was stuck behind a woman going incredibly slow and I felt a bit of road rage come upon me. After what felt like hours, I was able to pass. I glanced at the driver, and for a split second, I thought she was a friend of mine. Whoops. That could have been interesting, eh? I wonder if anyone has ever gone psycho on a friend during a road rage incident.

Thought for the day

2009-09-02T16:52:00.000-05:00

I've always been a firm believer in owning up to my mistakes and rectifying them myself. Why doesn't everyone else live by this idea? It boggles the mind. You dig a hole, you fill it.....and if you fall into it and break your leg before that happens, then you get no sympathy from me. Take responsibility and stop blaming others for your problems. Man up.

Buy it or Else!

2009-08-31T10:21:00.000-05:00

I heard that with the economy in the pooper, bottled water companies are having a super hard time.

It's true. Back in the day, I would get a phone call a month asking me to switch brands. Lately, it's a phone call an hour. They range from simple boring harassment to menacing verbal tirades. I half expect one of them to be hidden in the backseat of my car when I leave the parking lot. Anything for a sale, right?

Face palm

2009-08-28T13:11:00.001-05:00

This video is kind of long...but you MUST watch until the end. Wow.

A Theif in the Night

2009-08-27T08:24:00.000-05:00

I’m not a morning person, but today I was giggling within minutes of waking. I sleep with a mouth guard because I grind my teeth at night. Somehow, David awoke with my mouth guard clenched in his fist. How did that come about? Giggle, giggle. Some mysteries are better left unsolved.

Slow Day in Blogland

2009-08-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

Before I met my husband, the fabulous cook, my dinner often consisted of a couple of olives and a slice of cheese. (I still can’t figure out how I got so fat.) My favorite is the garlic stuffed olive. Mmmm.

Running and stuff!

2009-08-06T12:55:00.001-05:00

"I've got your back!"

I’ve been a busy girl! My friend Mandi hooked me up with a part-time nanny thing on the weekends to earn some extra dough. I worked my first shift last weekend and I think I’ll like it. I owe you Mandi!

David and I have been doing great with our running. We’ve only made it up to just over 3 miles so far, but are working towards being able to run the Turkey Trot 8 miler in November. Every year (except last year because I was soooooo sick) I run/walk the 5K. It’s tradition! This year, we’re going to run the big one! The Donut Lady hooked me up with a good training schedule, and I think we have a good shot at doing it.

I won’t mention the fact that David has lost 21 pounds while I’ve lost nothing. Nope, I won’t say anything at all. I’m not bitter. Nope. Not at all. Not in the teeniest tiniest little bit. Sigh.

Don't Taz me Bro!

2009-07-30T14:48:00.000-05:00

Do I really have to stop at the stop signs in the Kohl’s parking lot? Are they enforceable? I hope not :)

Shock and Awe

2009-07-21T10:47:00.000-05:00

I guess children are better equipped to make adult decisions than the adults are. At least that seems to be the latest trend. I have no words.

Hate Crime

2009-07-14T14:38:00.001-05:00

That term is so ridiculous. Shouldn’t any crime that perpetrates violence against another person be classified as a hate crime?

Troll Doll or Used Car Salesman?

2009-07-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

Used car shopping isn’t fun. Usually.

Last night we went to a Honda dealership and dealt with a funny little man in a pinstriped suit. All of the other sales people were dressed in polo shirts and khakis. This troll-man was probably around 65, and obviously didn’t agree with the dress of his coworkers.

He only had about 3 teeth in his whole head and he was strangely quirky, and I instantly wanted to adopt him. Hopefully we can work up a good deal with him today. But he had better be on his toes, because David is a shrewd negotiator. (David is so cute.)

The Forbidden Fruit

2009-06-26T08:52:00.001-05:00

I bought an apple at a gas station this morning. That’s a big deal for me. Generally if I want a snack from a gas station, I get a candy bar. Woohooo!

Fajitas of Gold

2009-06-25T10:07:00.000-05:00

My 20 year high school reunion is in August. (Yes, I’m incredibly old.) I skipped my 10 year reunion, but I was thinking I might go to this one. That is, until I got the pricing and details. Wait for it...it’s an all you can eat fajita buffet at a local bar for $104 per couple. Yes that’s right, but wait, there is more...it’s cash bar. I have to pay for the drinks too?! Really!???!!

No thanks. Looks like I’ll be skipping this one too.

Quick feet, Quick feet!

2009-06-22T09:32:00.000-05:00

I took my last Ballys class on Saturday with JB. I’ll miss him and Laura, they were family to me. I’ll forever hear the chants.

4 more, 4 more, 4 more, 4 more!
Ladies, Ladies, show me what you got. Wooowoooo!
Where is my dawg pound?
Part two! Part two!
Jab, cross, hook, up, one knee, one side, one squat, one kick!
I can’t hear you! 8 more!
Beat ‘em to the ground! Beat ‘em!
You know what's next! Shotgun!

Random Day!

2009-06-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

I love reading blogs. I’ve found a few writers that are great story tellers. But I suspect most of the entries are simply that, stories.

It appears that my favorite Ballys instructor isn’t going to get transferred to another location. Not cool.

I am married to the most incredible man in the whole wide world. I will never take him for granted. He rocks my world.

My wrist cyst is still there, but it doesn’t bother me like it did at first. Now I’m using it for show and tell.

I’m wearing a ponytail today for the first time in 2 years.

There is a pot of coffee brewing. It smells amazing.

Ballys SUCKS!

2009-06-16T09:07:00.000-05:00

They are closing my gym. I am so upset. I finally found a gym that I actually enjoy going to, and now they are locking me out. Hopefully my teachers will transfer to a different location. Sigh.

If you never seen it, you can't know

2009-06-07T13:22:00.000-05:00

Movies and television often depict mental illness as amusing and entertaining. It isn't. In reality it is frightening and unpredictable.

The delusions are hard for the "normal" mind to understand. To us, it is so obviously impossible and untrue, but for him it is very real.

I'm so glad I left when I did.